The Red Line Page 6

  "Your mom was here the night your apartment got hit. No one dared to go out and check on the building or extinguish the fire. Three died on the street that night…What are your plans, Nora?"

  "Check on my mom first, then I have to go back to the hospital. I might leave the country for good."

  "It’s all so sad," said Marie, pensively. She sat down, lost in her thoughts. “All these years of war, and we end up like this. We were so excited at first; we liked the battle to survive, the fight to win, the struggle to prove to ourselves and others that we existed, to prove that we counted in the equation…And then to end up with nothing—less than nothing—to lose everything but the sour taste in our mouths…You have the right to leave, Nora. You even have the right to hate this country." With tears in her eyes, she poured herself another cup of coffee.

  That night, Nora lay on an old mattress on the floor of Marie's kitchen with all the neighbors around her. The constant sound of bombs falling all around prevented her from sleeping even for a second. Despite Marie’s advice to stay hidden and wait for a reprieve, she left the next day and headed for her aunt’s house.

  XXI.

  Mona was in a daze. She hardly even noticed her surroundings. Since she’d learned of Tamer's death, she had lost all contact with reality. There were rumors that he’d stepped on a mine while fighting with the Christian militia. Tamer? Fighting on the Christian side? She couldn't believe it at first. He was wearing a cross around his neck and calling himself Tony; that’s what Kamil told her. He was the one who had brought her the news. His guys went to fetch Tamer's body from the front lines. They learned from a guy named Mohsen that Tamer was fighting on the enemy’s side. A Christian named Pierre who was with him confirmed Tamer's death. He transported Tamer’s mutilated body to the front lines, and from there, Mohsen took care of everything. He called Omar, the family chauffeur, and that’s how Kamil got the news. And then Mona learned what had happened.

  Mona had never felt so lonely in her own house. She kept seeing Tamer and Nora in every corner; she kept hearing their whispers and laughter everywhere. She tried to get in touch with Nora. She called the hospital, but she was told that Nora had left two weeks ago and hadn’t come back yet. When she learned of Tamer's death, she tried again. She badly wanted someone to talk to, but it was like Nora had also disappeared off the face of the earth. This dream she’d lived in for a year was turning into an awful nightmare from which she could never escape.

  Mona entered her room and approached her mirror. She couldn't look at herself anymore without feeling old and ugly. The phone rang once, twice, three times, then four. She knew it was Kamil, but she didn't feel like answering. The irony of it was that now, when she had gotten everything, the money, a lover willing to marry her, and the whole house to herself again, she felt nothing—complete emptiness. When she answered on the sixth ring, her voice sounded low and strained.

  "Hey."

  "Mona? Is that you? I can hardly recognize your voice. Are you okay?"

  "What do you think? I'm in the worst possible mood. I can't stop thinking about Tamer. I miss him so much. "

  "Oh, Mona, Mona. I'm so, so sorry. But what did you expect? Tamer drove himself to his own death, trying to kill me and then consorting with the enemy and fighting with them! Under a Christian name! I still can't believe it!"

  "Oh please, don't talk about him like that. He’s not here anymore. I feel like a huge part of myself died with him. I tried so hard to get close to him during this past year…so hard. And now it’s so difficult to let him go. It hurts, Kamil. It hurts too much!"

  "Mona, calm down. I'm coming over."

  This night, Kamil stayed with Mona. The next week, they went to a sheikh together to get married. Mona later moved into her new house, and Tamer's belongings all went to charity. The apartment was kept as a secondary residence at first, but then Kamil started leasing it at a very good price, giving half the money to Mona.

  Days went by, then months. Instead of the object of heartache, Tamer became a daily thought, and then just a name that crossed her mind from time to time followed by a little pinch in the heart. The story of Tamer and Nora faded with time and was replaced by all the social events with which Mona Monzem busied herself. Kamil traveled all over the world with her and gave her the life she’d always felt she deserved after all she had gone through with her first husband.

  XXII.

  In Lebanon, the fight between the Christians ended badly. The Syrian army invaded the whole Christian area, and there was no real choice for the soldiers or the militia. If they surrendered instead of fighting and resisting unto death, they would be taken prisoner and get thrown into El Mezze. Those who went in never came out again. Inevitably then, many Christians died, many disappeared, and the whole country fell under Syrian domination.

  The Syrians chose a whole new government to take charge, and as if by magic, all signs of the sixteen-year war disappeared. The city was rebuilt, the roads were repaired, and the front lines were transformed into a flourishing downtown with sidewalk cafés and upscale shops. Who would have thought that this shiny, new Beirut had been a war zone not long ago? The Lebanese were the first to enjoy their city and the new peace. They started partying till the first hours of the morning. Who could think about sleeping when life had been given back to them again?

  All the children who were born in the first years of the war, now teenagers, fully enjoyed the reprieve, even if it was in the huge shadow of the Syrian presence. Just living without the threat of getting killed by a bomb at any moment was priceless.

  But what happened to Nora and Tamer's generation? Most of those who weren’t imprisoned or handicapped just left in defeat, never to return to the country of their youth, the country in which they’d built their hopes and dreams. In search of new life elsewhere, they left without looking back.

  XXIII.

  “So, you’re ready to leave now?” Nora, pale and composed, was waiting for her airplane to take off. It was Rheem who had driven her to the airport. So many things had happened in these last few months…It was as if her whole life was drifting…

  When she left Marie to go meet her mom, she never expected to be received with such rejection and bitterness. Her mom, Marcelle, looked older, and her aunt did too.

  "What do you want me to say to you, Nora? You broke my heart. You lied to me for two years. And please don't even try to deny it. I heard the rumors, and I couldn't believe them at first, but they’re true. Aren’t they? Don't even say that you're sorry, because I don't think you are."

  "No, I’m not."

  "You love him do you? Do you know how Muslims treat their women? Like goods, easy to buy and sell. He could throw you out at any time with nothing on your back and without even an excuse. That is, if he did marry you. You slept with him did you? Oh God! What a shame!"

  "Please, Mom. Calm down. I know that you're hurt, especially because all our friends know about me. I'm sorry to have put you through this, but it’s serious between me and this guy. We love each other, and we're thinking about getting married."

  Marcelle stared at her with derision and then laughed. “Married? What are you trying to fix? Your reputation? Or are you pregnant now?"

  Nora knew that her mom was bursting with anger and frustration, so she just stayed quiet. She herself was overwhelmed with an awful feeling; she was aware of the possibility that she was in fact pregnant. So many things had been going on lately that she must have forgotten to take her pill once or twice. She was still in denial and blaming everything on stress, but her period was late. She couldn’t let her mom even suspect that truth. What Marcelle knew already was more than enough to break her heart, so Nora stayed quiet and waited for her mom to calm down.

  Her aunt, who was sitting on the sofa beside her, didn't say a word. She was older than her mom, and she had never married. She’d stayed home to take care of her ailing parents until their deaths. Mirande—that was her name—was Nora's godmother. She’d always surrou
nded her niece with affection and presents. A devoted Catholic, she used to spend most of her time at church, and not even the threat of a bomb falling on her head could stop her. Nora didn't want to think about her aunt’s reaction to her conduct. Not only had she crossed the line of morality, but she was in love with a non-Christian, a man belonging to a religion which threatened their existence every day!

  Mirande sat there pensively across from her sister, just listening to Marcelle. She wasn't affected by her sister's outburst as much as she was by Nora's distress. "Marcelle, stop. That's enough. Look at Nora. She needs us now more than ever. Please calm down. And you, Nora? Are you sure you're going to marry this guy? What's his name, by the way?"

  "Tamer. What's between us is serious, Aunt Mirande. Tamer has been wonderful to me, and we've been with each other for two years now."

  "Do you know how people will look at you if you stay with him? There is already too much talk. You need to leave, Nora. I mean leave the country. Try to clear your head and your feelings. If your love is really indestructible, then you'll get back together and it won’t matter."

  "Is that what you want, Mirande? Nora is my only child. She's killing me already, and you want her to leave? What would happen to me then? She will just have to stay here with us, find herself a position in the east side, and forget the past years and the awful situation she put us in!"

  Nora didn't want to listen anymore. She excused herself and went to her room. Her only thoughts were about Tamer and what had happened to him. She felt so scared. It was like a huge fist was squeezing her heart, and a bleak feeling of inescapable hopelessness was overwhelming her. She went to the phone and tried to call the Monzems, but the lines were really bad. She wanted to cry and cry until there were no tears left…

  Two days later, the last and fiercest battle happened. The Syrians marched into the Christian fief where they were met with savage resistance from both the Christian army and the militia. Many died, and many were taken prisoner. Nora, her aunt, and her mom stayed hidden in an underground bunker. They were aware of all the destruction above their heads, and they didn't dare get out.

  A week after the war ended, Nora was planning to go back to the hospital. Then Rheem showed up at their door. There was an awkward moment, but then suddenly it was as if nothing had happened, and they hugged and cried. Rheem had a lot to tell Nora about the hospital, but Nora wanted to hear about one person alone: Tamer.

  "Tamer? Tamer Monzem? I thought you left him the day you came back to the hospital. It was more than a month ago."

  "Yeah. That was the worst day of my life. The day started at the hospital, but it ended at Tamer's house."

  "What happened there? Did you fight?"

  "No. I didn't see him at all. He had a fight with his uncle and then disappeared. His mom told me he was having one of his old crises, but I couldn't believe her. We’d had breakfast together that morning, and he’d looked sane and happy."

  "Oh Nora, don't forget that he was your patient. Whatever they said about him might be true. He might be back at the psychiatric hospital now. Did you talk to Azoomy?"

  "No. I want to talk to Mona first. I'm leaving tomorrow, going back to the hospital, and then I'll figure out where to go from there."

  Nora left the next day. Beirut was all new to her. The front lines had disappeared. No more militia, no more barrages. The ruined streets were filled with passersby. New construction sites were showing up everywhere. Ironically, she missed the war. What a strange feeling! It was like she didn’t belong anymore; she had ended with the war.

  ‘Beirut!’ She thought. ‘Where is my Beirut? Where are my hiding places? Where are my armed guys? And where is my love story now? Is it gone with the war? My lover disappeared with the last sound of the bombs, and our footprints crossing the line back and forth went away like dust scattered in the wind.’

  At the Monzem residence, no one answered the door. Nora knocked at a neighbor's door and heard the atrocious news. She fainted on the doorstep and had to be brought inside the house to recover. She learned that Mona was on her honeymoon with Kamil. She felt like throwing up. Tamer was no more. An awful cramp hit her in the womb, and she knew that she was carrying his baby.

  Back at the hospital, she had no one to turn to except Rheem. Her mother would die or kill her if she knew. Rheem was there, though, and she was supportive again. It was like her fight with her over Tamer had never happened.

  "Everybody talks about this obstetrician two blocks down the street. He does it all the time. He might not charge you much because you're a doctor, and none of the girls that went there had any complications with him. How far along do you think you are?"

  "Maybe a little bit more than two months. Oh my God, Rheem! I'm killing my baby, but I feel nothing! Am I dead already? A walking dead person? I'm not even thinking about killing myself! I'm feeling nothing! Nothing!"

  "Oh please, shut up Nora. You won’t feel anything; it will be like nothing ever happened to you. I’ll ask them for general anesthesia even if it's not necessary at this stage. When you'll wake up, it will be like a bad dream that went away, never to come back…I hope," she added with a deep sigh.

  They went to the procedure together. After Nora left, the only feeling that drove her on was a desire to run away, to run away from herself, to run away from the knowledge that she’d just sent a little breath of life back to heaven, to run away from Tamer's ghost, which was haunting her thoughts…She wanted to run, and yet, she felt that she deserved the pain coming from both her hurt body and her messed-up soul.

  A meeting with Dr. Fahmi prepared her for her trip. She would start her residency in France, and it would last at least two years. She called her mom to say goodbye. She didn't dare talk to her face-to-face. Which face did she want to show her mom? A liar’s or a murderer’s face? Every mirror showed her the shadow of a criminal, surrounded by ghosts…

  "Are you ready to leave?" Rheem repeated the question, concerned by her friend's silence. Nora was too quiet in Rheem's opinion, and she was concerned about her friend's sanity. They would forever share a secret that could completely destroy Nora’s reputation, a reputation that was already in shreds. ‘It's killing her right now,’ thought Rheem.

  "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go!" She hugged Rheem fiercely. "Oh, Rheem thank you for your support, for everything. I'll never forget what you did for me. And congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Sorry I can't stay longer. Good luck with everything!"

  "Good luck to you, Nora. Take care."

  "Just pray for me, that is, if God still cares about me," she added cynically.

  Nora, pale and ten pounds thinner, boarded the plane to Paris. She didn't even look back. She imagined a huge pool of blood and pain in place of her heart, a heart this country had completely destroyed. She left as an empty shell filled only with the tormented ghosts of Tamer and her baby.